Have you ever had to come to the realization that you’re not as smart as you thought you were?
Indeed!!! This story will make you laugh!!!Yeah, one time, I decided to try out for the TV game show “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.” I filled out the online application form, and took the online quiz, and — Lo and Behold! — I passed! Yes!!!! I passed!!! I was accepted for an audition in New York City!!!Now feeling quite smug about my own superior intelligence, I patted myself on the back and gave myself a hearty “YES!!!” (with thumbs up) every time I sat on my bed, in the middle of the afternoon, watching “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire” with my cat.Ha!!! Ha!!! Yes!!!!!!!!!!!! I guessed the right answer once again! HA! HA! HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I am brilliant!!! I am GENIUS!!!! AHA!!!!Then came the big day — try outs — in New York City.I had flown there the day before, taken a taxi to my cheap little pathetic (expensive) hotel in the middle of downtown Manhattan, where I was kept awake most of the night from the bright lights and sounds of “the City that never sleeps.” Also, the smell of roach spray in the hallways and in my pathetic little room, with the shared bathroom down at the end of the hallway, did not produce feelings of sleepiness, either.In the morning, I got up early and went to find a beauty salon. I wanted to look my best. I wanted to look like the winning contest during my audition.New York City beauty salons are not cheap, I discovered! The hair cut and style and manicure cost me well over $250, but, hey, when you’re about to become a millionaire, I realized that little expensive was just a drop in the bucket.The next taxi dropped me off at the audition location. I had my audition acceptance letter in hand, as I joined the crowd standing in the long line.The long line soon queued up. There were literally hundreds waiting in the long line.Soon, the doors opened, and we were ushered in, like cattle, and directed to be seated at various tables where we were given name tags. The guy sitting across from me had already been a contestant on Jeopardy. “This will be a piece of cake,” he stated, smugly.There were many pencils on the table that had “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” engraved on them.Soon, we were given a test sheet. Our sheets were all unique, so no one could cheat off of anyone’s paper. We were instructed to use those “millionaire” pencils to fill in the correct little multiple test circles.When the bell rang, we were given 10 minutes to answer thirty questions. Some of the questions were complicated math word problems, which I could figure out, if given enough time. Other questions were about pop culture, country music, or history, science, etc.I was on about the seventh question when the test administrator announced, “You have five more minutes.”Five minutes???I instantly felt panic-stricken, absolutely panicked! I looked at the Jeopardy guy across from me and noticed that he was already on Question 29!Before time was called, he had already finished, and had turned over his paper, and was now just sitting there, leaning forward with his hands clasped together, with that smug little smile on his face.“One more minute!” the test administrator announced.At this point, with more than half of the questions still unanswered, I just simply decided to hastily mark them all “C.” Right? Didn’t I, the genius, read somewhere that “C” is the best guess?????C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C . . . .DING! Time’s up!We were instructed to leave all of our test papers face down and to just sit and wait.While we waited to hear the results of who “made” it, and hear which auditioners would be invited for the Next Step (to participate in a mock game), the man across from me smugly bragged about how “easy” the test had been for him.Sure enough, out of a room of about three hundred applicants, about five names were called. Yep! Only five people made it to the next step out of about three hundred applicants.The guy across from me was one of the five.Back in Gainesville, Florida, my friends were eager to know when I would be appearing on Millionaire.“Well, I will not be appearing on Millionaire,” I informed them, “but here’s a pencil from the try outs.” Everyone LOVED their “Who Wants to Be a Millionnaire” pencil.I should have kept one for myself. Those free pencils — that we were invited to take off the tables — had cost me more than $1,000 — between the plane ticket, the new outfits, roach spray smelling dingy hotel room, beauty salon, etc.The following day, I sat on my bed, watching an episode of Millionaire with my cat.Wouldn’t you know it! I got an answer right that the contestant missed!!!Dang!!!